you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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