Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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