Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
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