He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
