Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
