Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
