While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
