I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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