I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
