I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
