I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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