Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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