i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
