Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
