Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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