Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
