I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
