I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
