I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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