I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
