I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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