i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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