I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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