He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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