Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
