Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
