Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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