..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm too high and old for this...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize