Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
