I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
