Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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