Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
