Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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