my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
