I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
