I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
