I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
