my mouth tastes like poor choices
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
