Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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