Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Text me some of your sweat
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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