It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
