So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
