Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
