The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Come see our sink grown plant.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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