Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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