if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
