Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
