i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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