so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
