In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
