He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
