Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
