Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
