Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
