Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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