i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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