Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize