I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
