i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
