I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize