I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
