meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
