Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
