I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Watching her eat just hurts me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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