I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
