I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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