My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
