we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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