my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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