Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
