Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
