this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
