there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
