Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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