So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
