Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize