I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
