They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
