My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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