Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The air taste purple.
Randomize
