I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
