It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
