thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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