so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
