When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
