thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
