Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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