that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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