Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
