did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
