I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
