We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
