those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize