Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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