White coat. Heels.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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