Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
