I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
