I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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