i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
