You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
