I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I AM VODKA MAN
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize