stop calling my apartment porn island.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
