Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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