Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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