My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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