I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
