I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
