Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can't turn off my feet"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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