clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
