What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
