Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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