AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He felt like a one man threesome
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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